he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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