he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
