I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
