if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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