cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
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