He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
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There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
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