I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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