I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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