new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
