hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
try to milk me bitch
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
