I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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