Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
