There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
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