When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
We smell like vodka and hangover
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