I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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