If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
So vagazzling was a success
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
