you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
