ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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