he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
