I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
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It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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