I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i think i have herpe
just one?
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
