i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Randomize
