i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
