Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Randomize
