I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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