I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
