dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
