My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
