counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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