I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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