Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I think i peed on brittanys purse
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
