Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
