I think I died a long time ago.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I will pee on everything he values.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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