Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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