Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Vodka?
Forever.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
