remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
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