I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
