I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Damn victory sex feels great
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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