it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Randomize