Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
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