Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
