I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
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