Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
