i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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