Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
