the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize