My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
