Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
