K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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