i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
