is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
