i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
