if you like me you must not know who I am
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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