I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
