If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
You ever have a fart follow you around?
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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