So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
