Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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