Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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