She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
