brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
