we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
