I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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