She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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