The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
