a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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