i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
He has the fingertips of a God
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
