i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
