she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
