does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
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I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
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as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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