With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
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