Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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