Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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