I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
