I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
