Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Randomize
