I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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